Part 1 Undoing the Way We See Things Now
REVIEW VI I am not a body. I am free. For I am still as God created me.
- (199) I am not a body. I am free.
I am God’s Son. Be still, my mind and think a moment upon this. And then return to earth, without confusion as to what my Father loves forever as His Son.
I am not a body. I am free, for I am still as God created me.
Free? I don’t feel free! I feel lethargic and almost ill. Typically I love the rain, an overcast day in which to cozy in and do my thing. However, today, I feel dull and dreary, lonely, isolated, and sleepy. Coffee and a nap seemed to be in order, and yet both left me feeling wearier than before. Today’s lesson does little to perk my interest – I know I’m not a body, I snarl, but I am certainly not free of it – here is it – pudgy, old, flabby, and tired. Yesterday I managed to take it to the gym and work it out, and today I cannot muster the gumption to do much of anything with it!
Today I am spent – travel, hotel rooms, people, animals, plants, books, swimming, walking, exploring, the Course, food, drink, research, writing – meh. If this is what being God’s Son feels like, well, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be because I feel the way my body feels — used up. I understand why a dear sister is quite happily willing to die when her body dies and get it all over with – no worries about her eternal soul or what awaits on the other side.
What nagged at me today was the idea that even A Course in Miracles seemed to hold no special message for me, no way to end this utter listlessness. How am I ever going to fulfill my function if the Course no longer speaks to me? What could I write in today’s blog post if I had nothing at all to say? Would I have to make something up? Pretend to cheery freedom and everlasting joy? That didn’t seem right.
At home amid the constant calls of earthly demands, I long for the solitude of our hotel rooms in which to fully explore the matters which call to me – the love of God, the concepts of the Course, writing, deepening, and blogging about what I am learning and how I am applying the Course principles. And now today I hit the wall of nothingness, blankness, emptiness. Failure. My efforts to be of use in this world have come to naught once more.
Then a post at https://fromanxietytolove.com/surprising-guidance-letting-go-of-a-course-in-miracles/ drew my attention back to Lesson 189:7
Simply do this. Be still and lay aside all thoughts of what you are and what God is; all concepts you have learned about the world; all images you hold about yourself. Empty your mind of everything it thinks is either true or false, or good or bad, of every thought it judges worthy, and all the ideas of which it is ashamed. Hold onto nothing. Do not bring with you one thought the past has taught, nor one belief you ever learned before from anything. Forget this world, forget this course, and come with wholly empty hands unto your God.
My emptiness! I bring it to God. This listlessness! I bring it to God. I let all thoughts of being a student, a teacher, earning my way to salvation, all the images that I hold about myself – both positive and negative – all the judgments and expectations that I put upon myself – I let it all go, and I forget this world. I forget this course. And I come an empty vessel to my God.