Part 1 Undoing the Way We See Things Now
Lesson 69 My Grievances Hide the Light of the World in Me
- No one can look upon what your grievances conceal. Because your grievances are hiding the light of the world in you, everyone stands in darkness, and you beside him. But as the veil of your grievances is lifted, you are released with him. Share your salvation now with him who stood beside you when you were in hell. He is your brother in the light of the world that saves you both.
- Today let us make another real attempt to reach the light in you. Before we undertake this in our more extended practice period, let us devote several minutes to thinking about what we are trying to do. We are literally attempting to get in touch with the salvation of the world. We are trying to see past the veil of darkness that keeps it concealed. We are trying to let the veil be lifted, and to see the tears of God’s Son disappear in the sunlight.
- Let us begin our longer practice period today with the full realization that this is so, and with real determination to reach what is dearer to us than all else. Salvation is our only need. There is no other purpose there, and no other function to fulfill. Learning salvation is our only goal. Let us end the ancient search today by finding the light in us and holding it up for everyone who searches with us to look upon and rejoice.
- Very quietly now, with your eyes closed, try to let go of all the content that generally occupies your consciousness. Think of your mind as a vast circle, surrounded by a layer of heavy, dark clouds. You can see only the clouds because you seem to be standing outside the circle and quite apart from it.
- From where you stand, you can see no reason to believe there is a brilliant light hidden by the clouds. The clouds seem to be the only reality. They seem to be all there is to see. Therefore, you do not attempt to go through them and past them, which is the only way in which you would be really convinced of their lack of substance.
- After you have thought about the importance of what you are trying to do for yourself and the world, try to settle down in perfect stillness, remembering only how much you want to reach the light in you today, – now! Determine to go past the clouds. Reach out and touch them in your mind. Brush them aside with your hand; feel them resting on your cheeks and forehead and eyelids as you go through them. Go on; clouds cannot stop you.
- If you are doing the exercises properly, you will begin to feel a sense of being lifted up and carried ahead. Your little effort and small determination call on the power of the universe to help you, and God Himself will raise you from darkness into light. You are in accord with His Will. You cannot fail because your will is His.
- Have confidence in your Father today and be certain that He has heard you and answered you. You may not recognize His answer yet, but you can indeed be sure that is it given you and you will yet receive it. Try, as you attempt to go through the clouds to the light, to hold this confidence in your mind. Try to remember that you are at last joining your will to God’s. Try to keep the thought clearly in mind that what you undertake with God must succeed. Then let the power of God work in you and through you, that His Will and yours be done.
- In the shorter practice periods, which you will want to do as often as possible in view of the importance of today’s idea to you and your happiness, remind yourself that your grievances are hiding, the light of the world from your awareness. Remind yourself also that you are not searching for it alone, and that you do know where to look for it. Say, then: My grievances hide the light of the world in me. I cannot see what I have hidden. Yet I want to let it be revealed to me, for my salvation and the salvation of the world. Also, be sure to tell yourself: If I hold this grievance the light of the world will be hidden from me, if you are tempted to hold anything against anyone today.
Notes and Personal Application (2019): My prayer: That the veil that conceals my grievances be lifted and that I may release my brothers and myself from the clouds and let the light of the world shine through me.
I began using the voice recorder on my cell phone today. I recorded my voice saying the above passage, and I listened to it three times during the day as part of the practice. While I listened, I trained my mind to enter into the words I was saying. I allowed myself to experience the presence of God and recognize the opportunity that He was giving me – welcoming me into His Will and melding my will with His. I am to Love the world and the brotherhood and the Sonship of God. The grievances that I have toward them are like clouds that obscure the vision of God and disallow me to practice the will of God and my own will as well. I am born to love and to save the world. It is my only real function here. I am to teach love and be love, become love and let Love become me. The clouds cannot keep it from me. It is much deeper and much more joyous and awesome in the magnificence of it, there are words that are beyond my capability to utter at this time. There are words that would only be symbols of what this brings to my awareness.
My heart is so grateful and full of joy. With no fear, no vulnerability, worries that I was letting her off the hook where she deserved to be, I cried today when I texted Beckie the words: “I do not want to live without your love.” And I realized that I do not want to live without loving everybody and holding no grievances toward others. This is the teaching of the Course and for which I am so deeply grateful.
In Jesus name I pray: My grievances hide the light of the world in me. I thank Jesus for guiding, protecting, and keeping me on the right path. I have followed the guidance of Holy Spirit in studying the Course, and I trust in Him to protect, edify, enlighten, and save my mind. I ask that today’s lesson be made real in my heart and that I know what to do and how to do it. I thank the Holy Spirit for making the right choice for me. I relinquish the ego. I offer only love and forgiveness. I will not forget my function, to save the world and thus be happy. My only function is the one that God gave me. Love created me to be Love. And that is what I choose to be. I have relinquished my grievances against all. I choose love. I am perfectly safe. I wake to my true Self by laying the grievances aside and looking through the eyes of Christ. I ask that every grievance be revealed to me and that I no longer hold any grievances toward God, for when I hold a grudge against another, I am holding a grudge against God. The light of the world shines through me, and in me, and of me.
Notes and Personal Application (2020): In today’s devotional, I was so touched by the fact that it was last year on this day that I texted my estranged sister and wrote: “I do not want to live without your love.” Like many people, I have a difficult relationship with my sister, as well as other family members. Throughout my whole life I have felt intimidated by them. They colored my every opinion about myself. When they said jump, I did my best to jump. When they gave me a look, I would agonize over its possible meanings. I lived for their smiles, their warmth, their affection. I trembled at their wrath, their distance, their cold shoulders and silence treatments. It was only about ten years ago that I began attempting to establish healthy boundaries with first my sister and then others within the circle. Being a new practice for me, I was clumsy, awkward, and harsh without necessarily intending to be. It was no wonder then that our relationship(s) fell apart.
Grievances began to build on both sides to the point where it has divided not only us, but our children and grandchildren. While we have tried to bridge the gap, it seems as if too many hurtful things have been left unsaid and unaddressed to provide any sustainable healing. That this has been a source of ongoing distress, despair, and anguish in my mind is to only touch upon the pain and loneliness experienced without them in my life.
However, the whole situation has taught me more than I have learned in all my years of pursuing degrees, studying human behavior, and following spiritual practices. My salvation does not come from my sisters, nephews, nieces, or my grandnieces and nephews. My salvation comes from me. God placed my salvation, my healing, within me and I live not in fear or intimidation of anyone or anything, even my own family.
That sense of tribe and clan, that sense of belonging to a special group in which we happen to share DNA and common experiences through our common parentage, is one of the items that the ego offers to replace salvation. When someone holds that much power over us, we are looking without instead of within where our salvation lies. When someone takes back their love from us when things do not suit them or they do not choose to respect our boundaries, when someone gets their feelings hurt and begins to build sides, hiding their own agendas in the stories they make up about us, they believe that separation instead of truth is salvation, that harmony poses a threat to their power and control. We find out that what we thought was our salvation was an illusion.
And looking at illusions is the way to escape them! There is no reason to shrink from them, because they are not real and therefore can only hurt us if we believe in them. When I began to realize that I did not want the ego’s substitute for holy relationships, I was ready to examine the faulty dynamics of our family relationships to see what I had to give up in order to experience true and holy relationships with those whom I love.
When I recognized how fearful my relationships are to the ones I love the most, I was ready to recognize the ego’s ploy to keep us bound in substituting what is not love for the Source of all Love. Fear is what separates us from God; fear is what gives the lies of the ego the power to hurt us and to keep us locked in a prison of partiality and split minds. No matter how gratifying the special relationships of the world may appear to be, they are no substitute for salvation. At the best of times, our families give us joy, belonging, warmth, and support. They also tend to be clannish, provide a false sense of security, and bequeath unseen, inbred programs, which, uninterrupted, can unwittingly thwart one throughout the life cycle. Family secrets, family pride, family traditions can all contribute to the clouds that inhibit us from seeing and recognizing our true Self, the Light of the World that lies within each one of us.
My grievances then, against my family for not respecting my boundaries, for toying with my love, for causing me to question their love, was my lesson in Whom and What my salvation lies. I can only love my family when I am not afraid of them not loving me. I can only love my sister when I am no longer intimidated by her. I can only cherish my parents when I recognize that the light of the world is in me and forgive the ways in which they seemed to have failed me.
Our Course asks us to look at our grievances. To reach out and touch them with our minds. Brush them with our hands, let them rest upon our cheeks, and forehead, and eyelids, as we go through them. We are not asked to hide them in our unconscious and thus hold on to them. We are to walk through them – to recognize them as fear and understand that it is this that would keep us from knowing who we really are.
Today I urge you to have confidence in God, be certain that He has heard and answered you. This is the way to join your will with God’s Will. Keep today’s lesson idea clearly in your mind. Examine each grievance and let it teach you what it was hiding – you were trying to find God someplace outside of you, when the Light of the World has been there all along.
 A Course in Miracles. Workbook Lesson 69. My grievances hide…Foundation for Inner Peace, Second Edition (1992). pp. 117-118.